#17: Nine (2009)

Not to be confused with 9 (2009).

The first hour is really just a string of music videos from various women.

• A wife
• A Mistress
• A costume designer
• An actress
• A lady from the past
• An editor from Vogue
• His mother

Pretty ones, sensual ones, ones that make you wonder "This is only PG-13?".

"Be Italian" and "My Husband Makes Movies" are the songs I particularly like.

The real surprise is this is by Rob Marshall. "Chicago" Rob Marshall, "Into the Woods" Rob Marshall.

How did this feel so choppy when those are great? Even though the latter was 5 years later and had the Hand of The Mouse steering it, "Chicago" is a masterpiece.

The second hour is improved in a "All the shit hits the fan" kind of way, but a few women (The actress, the editor, the mother) seem hamfisted in.

#16: Aladdin (2019)

Fun fact: My mother has never seen the original Aladdin.

Mind, she was also 8 months pregnant with me when it came out.

I can't think of one casting choice here that wasn't hotly contested online, mainly Will Smith and Naomi Scott. I also cast criticism on Guy Ritchie because...really, why?

There's something to be said for Disney casting a half-Indian woman to be their first brown princesses, but it's also not for us to say if she's 'dark' or 'ethnic' enough.

Anyway I enjoyed this immensely?

The '?' is because while I thought "Sherlock Holmes" was perfectly adequate, I abhor "The Man From Uncle" (It has an uneven, patchy second half and frankly, it doesn't deserve a sequel), and "Rocknrolla" is really badly edited and shot but insanely entertaining (and deserves a sequel), I didn't think Ritchie had it in him to make another movie that didn't give me motion sickness or had more than two colors. Kudos!

So, Sonic The Hedgehog Moved.....

.... To a very crowded February, 2020.

Specifically, February 14th, 2020.

Valentine's Day.

I like to think it's a call back to this but probably not.

Why? Because the director wanted to redo Sonic after the internet clowned on him en mass, as if they really couldn't just take one of the models from the newer games, spruce it up, and put it in.

Not that simply, engines and whatnot differing between games and movies, but....it's not as if they didn't have a model to go on besides making him look like a child in a Sonic costume.


But I'm not here to talk about Sonic going fast into a new release date; I'm here to talk about how crowded of a month it will be.

13+ Characters I Want as Funko Pops

This is like a bad Buzzfeed list but bear with me.




1. Queen Elinor (Brave)

Brave itself was a pretty mediocre movie. Let's be honest with ourselves. Humongous let down. Female characters fighting after the female director was shoved off her own product. Far as I know, the product would have been similar, but how dirty to do Brenda Chapman like that.

But Queen Elinor was awesome. I loved her more than Merida even if Merida's ideology was more palatable to a modern audience.

#15: Justice League (2017)

I didn't see this in theaters. I haven't seen any DCEU movie in theaters in a long time. Not since "Suicide Squad".

Wait, I snuck into "Wonder Woman" because "The Mummy" was trash.

This came on Showtime and I thought "Well, why the hell not."

This was fine. 

Steppenwolf looked like a joke. I wish the movie was more about dealing with a....from the afterlife Clark instead of this video game villain. 

One thing the DCEU is really good at is having impacts and punches hit in time with the music. Especially with Wonder Woman. I love that.

#14: The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part

The biggest caveat with this movie is that it took too damn long to come out. The twist of the first one was never going to hit hard again. Maybe that's why Warner Bros. decided to shove "The Lego Batman Movie" (Good) and "The Lego Ninjago Movie" (Unseen, but apparently not that good) at us. Even then, both of those were in 2017, two years after the original "Lego Movie".

The goodwill not only died, it evaporated like saltwater in the Mojave Desert.

There's nothing horribly wrong with "The Lego Movie 2" if you're a very small child. It's loud, bright, and almost obnoxious. The first one (rewatched recently) knew when to pull back and when to really press the gas on the outlandishness

That's what happens when Lord and Miller aren't directing I suppose. Though I believe they did produce this..."Spiderverse" is one of the greatest movies of all time, what happened here.

#13: Pokémon Detective Pikachu

Video Game movies as a whole have had a hard time appealing to both casuals and players. "Doom" was serviceable and not really any good.

"Assassin's Creed" was allegedly hilarious.

"Warcraft" was fine, though 90% of it went over my head, despite a friend explaining everything as it was happening.

(They walked into a void?)

But this is my territory now - I'm no newcomer to the world of Pokémon.

My first games were Gen 2, specifically Gold. Then I went back and got Red, Blue, Yellow, and I've been playing them ever since. I still have my 'gold' plated Pokémon cards in their Pokéball holders from Burger King from 1999.

Though, I was far more interested in this movie than I am in Sword and Shield. British Pokémon land? Cool. Hope Scorbunny doesn't turn into fire/fighting type in it's last evolution!

Sitting at 70% on Rotten Tomatoes, "Detective Pikachu" is just appealing enough to the general audience to not leave them lost in Viridian Forest.

Disney Dates 63 (!) Movies From NOW to 2027

How will Disney integrate all its new Fox films? By alternating STAR WARS and AVATAR titles, and pushing back the beleaguered NEW MUTANTS yet again pic.twitter.com/5iRO3idNjR

— Kyle Buchanan (@kylebuchanan) May 7, 2019

Between this Friday ("Tolkien") and 2027, Disney is releasing not 1, not 2, but 63 movies after its recent acquisition of 20th Century Fox.

There's nothing to say about UNTITLED MARVEL MOVIE besides "It's probably sequels to Panther, Strange, Guardians, Ant-Man, Captain Marvel, and whatever else I'm missing.", but there is about some new developments.

4 CANCELLED Sonic The Hedgehog Movies (Lost Sonic Film Adaptations)