#69: Jupiter Ascending

2015 in Film was so weird. The only outright good movies I remember were The Force Awakens, Shaun The Sheep, and Creed. Sponge Out of Water wasn't bad, I'm not a fan of Inside Out and Dope but they have their merits and Fantastic Four....exists.

Then there's this. I remember seeing Jupiter Ascending in the theater twice.

Mainly because I got there an hour early and walked in, was confused at all get out but just hung around, knowing there was context missed and to watch it from the start.

If you expected me to say "And I saw it from the beginning and was still confused", no. It's not confusing if you pay attention.

A alien-humanoid woman died and owned Earth because her alien race colonized it and basically use it to farm humans to live unnaturally long lives. She left it in her will to her reincarnation, a young woman called Jupiter Jones, on Earth.

Her three children find out because for some reason no one bothered to check her will closely, it seems, and they see how fond she was of Earth and scheme to take it for their individual needs.

Meanwhile, Jupiter is taken from Earth by a bounty hunter named Caine, a half-dog half-human man on anti-gravity rocketboots, to deliver her to the planet where the siblings live, and see if they can woo her enough to take her inheritance and kill her.

Ok, well, when you put it like that, it's a wee bit confusing.




 I love this genre - "Ain't Shit Directors Make Expensive Space Flop That I Like a Bunch and Most People Were Unfairly Harsh Toward."

And the Wikipedia page even notes how this movie is basically a switched version of the countless "special man goes into space" stories that permeate the landscape;

However, the film received positive response from a niche of female science fiction fans who appreciated the film's campiness and deviation from typical gender stereotypes in a genre that is traditionally male-centered.

I like it for this reason too! There's plenty of reasons to be scornful but having a nice, frothy movie about a woman in space isn't a reason why.

This movie is humongous in scale and extremely beautiful. So many lovely shots that really take advantage of the massive budget this had. I wish Jupiter had been a HBO show to really flesh out the world and sensibilities instead of a movie that will never be acknowledged again.

The only thing most people remember is Eddie Redmayne's speak-yelling, with the now-iconic line "I CREATE LIFE!". He's the only one really emoting and having fun.

Everyone else is so dull, and Jupiter is the dullest. You see just how badly the direction was when the film stops cold to integrate a romantic subplot that everyone saw coming and no one wanted.

there's  a lot of exposition that's interesting but very info-dumpy. There's about a three minute sequence where Stinger is explaining to Jupiter and us about the real origin of earth.

There are so many good ideas that are sunk.